Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
