i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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