I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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