Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
