it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
