Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
