I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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