i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
