Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
