It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
