last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And then he peed in my hair
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