I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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