so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
