masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
