I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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