could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
