I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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