I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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