I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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