There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
