Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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