Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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