The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
