Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
