hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Princesses don't give blow jobs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
