Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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