That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
