I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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