you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
