The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
