she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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