): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dick has a subreddit
All I want is dick and wine.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
