is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
