So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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