My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
