What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
