I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
