haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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