and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
