$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
