I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
