you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
