Already got asked if we're dating
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
