How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
