some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
