i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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