You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
