i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
