I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
