I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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