my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
