Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
